Bear one another's burdens

Bear one another's burdens and so fulfill the law of Christ. Galatians 6:2

I love people. Truly, I do. I have realized this within myself since I was young… that connection and community is so incredibly important in our lives.

When I was growing up, we lived across the street from our church and I have more memories there than I do at home. I spent so much of my time either at church or with our church family. I remember how comforting it all felt. The laughter, the tears, the dancing, the mourning.... it was the beautiful. When I was 12, my parents divorced and my mom and I were not welcome back unfortunately. Now, mind you, that was in the early 80s and while I lovingly call this time in my life the starting point of my 30 year "walk in the wilderness", I never questioned God's love for me or the gift of salvation through Jesus. I did, however, begin to question people.

I didn't realized just how jaded my lens for others had become. It was like a constant smudge on your glasses, I could see but not clearly. I still loved them the best I could but I became very aware that people push people away. I craved that community and connection but feared allowing it back in because, well, people leave. They not only leave you, they leave when things are hard. When the mess is too messy. I honestly didn't recognize how much damage had been done until I became older and friends left. Some left subtly. Some left abruptly. Some shocked me by leaving and others, I could tell, it was time for them to go. When I would let someone in deeply, I would hold onto them for dear life. Wanting to please them, to make them happy at whatever cost so that they wouldn't do what everyone else did... leave. I watered down hard times because I didn't want to be "too much" or "constant drama"... no, I allowed them to be those things but I stayed quiet. If I don't do anything to make them want to leave, that's a good thing, right??? Well, we know the answer to that question.

When my friends had struggles, I was there however I could be. Wanting to share in whatever brought them joy or made them feel my love. I didn't know then that I was creating an unhealthy expectation. I do now. But that's because it didn't work. They still left.

We are told by Jesus himself that "In this world, you WILL HAVE TROUBLE..." and I don't know about you but I wish there was an "I've Dealt With Enough Trouble" card like a Monopoly "Get Out Of Jail Free" card... just lay it down and NO MORE TROUBLE. Considering this deeper, this question comes to mind. How would we be refined if we didn't go through the fire? Forging in fire is painful, It's bending and smashing and more bending and smashing... until you're just right and then there's sharpening. It never stops. While there are days I wish for no more, I know that God has a bigger plan. I do want His plan for my life... just with less "trouble"! Little did I know that it's actually our trouble that creates a deeper connection with others. When you know someone is experiencing what you are or have experienced it at some point, the connection is almost instant and it’s a like a silent sisterhood. They get it. They have felt it. You’re no longer alone.

Enter the passage found in Galatians 6:4... Bear one another's burdens and fulfill the law of Christ. I've read this verse so many times and have even quoted it a time or two over the years. Today, as I navigate the hard, I see these words in a different light. For someone to bear my burdens and I theirs, we need to SHARE in our burdens. This allows not only for us to fulfill the law of Christ (the law of love and peace exemplified by Jesus) but it also takes some of our heavy weight off. That means, we aren't "too much" when strife is shared, it means we are acting in obedience to the law of Christ. I have to share my struggles as I want my friends to share theirs. We aren't meant to do this alone. We are created to be in community. To help others. To meet them in their time of need. To allow them to help us in ours. It's okay to be vulnerable and let people in. It's okay if they leave. God will even use that to refine us and make us stronger.

In light of what Ian and I are going through right now, I've been overwhelmed with an outpouring of texts checking in, making sure our needs are met, whatever they may be... phone calls, encouragement, Scripture, prayer and just the resounding realization that we are not alone and we have so many people wanting to carry this burden with us. Not only those friends closest to me but also friends that have drifted many months (even decades) ago. Friends wanting to make sure I know that they are with us through all of this. It's been beautiful to be on the receiving end and I look forward to the day that I can do the same for them. It’s impacted us so deeply. This is community. This is carrying one another's burdens.

I'll wrap up with this... don't wait to connect with others openly and honesty. It's hard. It's messy. It's complicated. It can be painful. It can be scary. Trust God in those moments. Let them come to you and let them leave you. Check in with your people from time to time. Be intentional about your relationships. We were created to be in them. If someone comes to your mind or you see a social media post that they are struggling, be a light for them. Help them carry the hard. It doesn't matter what comes back to you… it’s not about you. It’s about them. Your time will come and they will be there for you. That thoughtfulness and kindness is how you can resemble Christ on earth. It takes action. It takes courage. It takes showing up. It takes allowing others to care for you, even when you don't know what you need. What I have found is that when I do share, God is not only helping me release some of my struggle but He's also showing another that He wants to help them release theirs too. Bear one another's burdens and fulfill the law of Christ. Don't wait. They may really need you right now and you may really need them. You may be their divine appointment today.

Much love in Christ,

Darlene